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The role of the mother-in-law can be one of helping their offspring stay on the straight and narrow in a marriage while not interfering with the decisions of the married couple. They must accept that their child is an adult capable of making decision by his or herself. This means that your mother-in-law should become the best person your spouse knows and not be viewed as a barracuda.
I watched Gwynelle’s mother and my mother take on admirable mother-in-law image really well. These women taught us the virtues of family harmony by example and taking stern stances when they feared something might destroy our marriage.
My mother and Gwynelle were so close that I thought mama was the wife’s mother. Mama would call out any silliness that I was entertaining.
One time I was supposed to be taking Gwynelle to midnight mass, but instead took her to a party by the old childhood friends. Gwynelle was a real church lady who did not over drink but I was a hell raiser attempting to show off my machismo prowess. I drank too much Black Bull 100 Scotch, so Gwynelle walked a few miles back to my parent’s home.
Somehow I got home and found myself in the restroom praying to the toilet god, “ralph.” Gwynelle came to the restroom door and started to cry. She was upset that I was sick. All I remember was mama calling out something like, “You are not hitting that child.” I can still feel mama’s hand going across my face several times.
Next thing I know my father came charging in wanting to know if I was hitting those women. I tried my best to let him know that I was not hitting anybody. I was merely attempting to throw up in peace.
Mama punished me again at Christmas dinner by placing that turkey in front of me. The smell of the turkey wreaked havoc with my headache and unset stomach. I never committed any tomfoolery around mama again. I got intoxicated once more after mama’s death then I said never again. It has been roughly 40 years without repeating that tomfoolery again.
Many years after mama died, Gwynelle saw that our only daughter was name Sammye E. Miller II although that was not definitely the norm when this child was born.
Gwynelle’s mother – Lucille Wilder made me feel as though I was another one of her children, so I felt it an honor to help out whenever possible. She had an easy going mannerism where she sought to find the good in people. Our children loved their grandmother. Ma Wilder got to spoil our oldest son Tony because he did not get to work in the Alabama cotton field as his aunts and uncles.
When you think about President Barack Obama having his mother-in-law living at The White House you might appreciate that she provides the parental culture that might be missing each day as the busy parents are handling world crises. Hence, I think mother-in-laws are positive influence on a marriage if they understand that their role is marital support and not attempting to dictate what goes on in the offspring’s household.
