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In the United States of America people pick their own spouses. Parental arranged marriages are un- American. As parents, we must learn to embrace the spousal choices of our offspring for they are the future parents of our grandchildren.
A Caucasian senior citizen lady of Irish decent shared how her late husband’s mother had selected another woman for him to marry. When she and her husband decided to marry the mother-in-law showed disdain for her acceptance into the family.
The senior citizen lady could not contain her emotions as she shared that her children were never as good as the ones from her husband’s brother. I felt her great dislike for this mother-in-law because this mother-in-law’s disdainfulness remained strong much of her married life.
The senior citizen lady said that one day she saw her husband chatting with this strange woman. She asked him who this lady was. The husband shared that she was the one that his mother had selected for him to marry. I could feel the senior citizen lady’s dander rise as she recounted this incident.
As fate would have it, the father-in-law died. The senior citizen lady said suddenly the mother-in-law started to treat her as a family member because she was hoping to move into their home.
I could feel the fury in her emotion as she looked me in the eyes saying “I told my husband that it was too little too late!” She was not hearing helping this mother-in-law that kept her estranged all of those years. On the other hand, she says her parents treated her husband really well.
The mother-in-law forgot the adage, “You reap what you sow.” This senior citizen lady’s emotions calmed down as she spoke very positively of her son-in-law.
I told her that my late mother and my wife had been very close. Sometimes I thought mama was her mother. The senior citizen lady responded calmly that you had two of them united against you.
I also shared that my wife’s late mother always treated me like I was one of her children. Hence, my memories were very positive.
Once you become the parent of marrying age children, you must accept that American citizens get the right to select whoever they desire to be their spouse. Ethnically, we may disagree with these marital decisions but attempts to unilaterally destroy our offspring’s right may find you the victim of your own disdain for tomorrow is promised to no one. Furthermore, your actions run counterpoised to today’s mainstream thinking where you might see an interracial couple holding hands in your local shopping mall.
